I'm getting old - I know!

In a recent survey, 68% of employee’s think that their managers speak jargon and “At the end of the day” they may very well be correct. For I find “Best practice” for most managers is to “Drill-down” and have loads of “Facetime” or indeed have “Space” to become “World-Class”. These managers most insist that the only way forward is “Joined up Thinking” to “Takeaway” mainly to “Close the Loop” or ensure that great things are “brought to the table” for real structural “Social Innovation”. Otherwise we must get the “Heads up” on “Directional Issues”. Failing all that we can simply “Performance Manage”……

Ok…enough-already I hear you scream!

But you get my point. We in the business world or is it business academe make up these words, jargon at a rate that would make Jenson Button head spin. No longer are we doing Strategy every semester or is term now(?), or Corporate Social Responsibility, or Sustainability we are now onto Social Innovation….. look I had no idea what the fuss was with Strategy, so I’m completely lost with Social Innovation!!!

Its okay though as my Business School is having an away-day in a posh hotel, hopefully with a posh lunch, and the copious posh coffee, which is vital for “Blue sky thinking”, oops sorry, couldn’t help myself. So I should after several hours be completely ‘into’ our new 'modern', strategic intent.

So what do the above mean…

At the end of the day – look we are all fed-up so just get on with it and stop answering back

Drill Down – you haven’t thought through this, have you?

Facetime – I know talking to the plebs is rough, but that’s what you get paid for… talk to staff now and find out what colour t-shirts they want

Space – okay, I’ve really had enough of you now, please leave

Best Practice – well this has to be better than worse practice

Takeaway – mmmmm food….mmmmm (thats just me, I know!)

Close the Loop – You still haven’t thought through this, have you?

Social Innovation – I’ll complete this when I’m Social next week at the Posh Hotel..

Heads up – Look out, some real shite is coming our way, and if you’re not looking you can’t blame the staff…

Directional issues – Strategy! What strategy…. The blue file… thought the blue file was our Best Practice file, dam that’s an issue!

Performance Manage – you failed to think it though after repeated warnings and so now I’m going to have to draw out a list….

If you can do better, brain-dump… I’m all ears, ready to think outside the box, so crack-on